Monday, September 9, 2013

It's been so long...

Well it's been a while, I've been so unbelievably busy transitioning to a new project.  Life has been quite challenging these days.  The past few months have been such a roller coaster of emotions...sadness, frustration, doubts.  Darian has been doing well for the most part.  She has been very difficult lately, but more expressive with her needs and emotions.  We tried medication again, but noticed it gave her more anxiety, not to mention her psychiatrist was just mailing it in.  Useless.  She has an appointment with a new Psychiatrist on Thursday, we'll see how he approaches her.  We heard he's very good and has experience with children like her.  So daddy has been on vacation/travel for the past few days, he'll be home Friday.  Weekend was hard.  My 10 year old, Madison, got a gift from my sister-in-law, a goldfish...well I killed it, yes you heard me, I killed the poor thing.  We got her a new fish tank and I accidentally put too much chemicals in the water and killed it.  Ugh! So I go with her to the store and we buy two more fish.  All happy and excited.  Well my darling Darian, having no concept of pet care or anything related to being careful, decides to take the chemicals and dump them all into the fish tank then proceeds to grab the fish and put them on the floor.  She immediately panics and starts sobbing and screaming at the top of her lungs! So in we go, put the fish back in the tank unaware she had dumped all the chemicals in the water.  I finally notice the water was really murky, so I go to the trash can and see the empty bottles.  I immediately take them out and clean the water out and try to save them.  While I'm doing this, Madison is crying and devastated over this, probably hating Darian for doing this, Darian is yelling and completely beside herself.  And I'm breathing trying not to lose it, while saving these poor fish. Unbelievable chaos! So here I am trying to explain to Madison why Darian would do something like this, trying to convince her not to hate her.  While trying to reassure Darian the fish are going to be ok and how she cannot touch them ever again.  So after a couple of hours, they're both calm.  I'm telling Madison they might die and to be prepared.  Promising we'll replace them with the exact same kind of fish.  Late afternoon one of them died as Madison and I watched it take it's last heartbreaking, the other one survived.  So there we go to flush a second fish down the toilet, all this within 24 hours! Darian of course has no idea what she's done.  I had her apologize to Madison and thankfully Madison somewhat understood.  So devastating for me to see one of my daughters resenting the other.  So heartbreaking.  We put the fish tank in the kitchen, someone is always in our kitchen, this way everyone can keep an eye on Darian. 

You would think that was the end of the drama.  Of course not! Darian ended up cutting her legs as she attempted to shave her legs with Daddy's razor! OMG! I just lost it.  I thought we had put away all the razors, out of her reach.  She found one.  So she sliced herself pretty good.  I didn't have the right size band aids, so my awesome neighbors gave me some. Ended up going to the store to stock up and get bigger ones.  I just can't believe all this is happening. And here I am eating lunch blogging from work.  The more I write, the more aware I am of our sad situation.  I know you think, God doesn't give you more than you can handle, He must think I'm a bad ass!

Then you read about that woman who tried to kill her autistic teenage daughter and herself.  It breaks my heart to think she didn't see any other solution in dealing with her daughter.  What's worse is that I actually understand where she is coming from. It's so unbelievably difficult to deal with a child like ours.  No one will ever understand until you live it.  I'm so sorry for that woman, but I don't care how desperate you are, there's no excuse to end someones life over it.  God help her and that beautiful child.

Well I feel a lot better writing about my fascinating weekend with my beautiful children.  On to the next situation...I'm ready!


  1. <3 you so much. Always read your posts.

  2. Oh my gosh, so sorry this happened. Had we known this was to happen, we wouldn't have given Madison the goldfish... Love you.

  3. You ARE BAD ASS!!
    We've done the fish thing.... so far, the Beta is the hardiest and least likely to die on you. My aspie nephew says they are alomost indestructable. You can ignore them for weeks and nothing wrong will happen - go figure! But you can only have 1 Beta at a time. Anyway. Our "Pretty Scales" was Carmen's birthday gift in April -- and she sends hours watching him.