Thursday, September 20, 2012

After the storm...

Last night was a much more relaxing night.  Darian was in a great mood, she fought me a little on her bath, but once she was there, she enjoyed it.  Sometimes I wonder what goes through that beautiful mind of hers.  She is so adorable and to think she can become such a handfull to say the least.  She was exhausted by the time she went to bed, she was looking at me and I prayed my heart out to please give her serenity to be able to go to sleep and let me sleep! How pathetic, I know, but it's so hard to be tired and super stressed out wanting a peaceful night.  My prayers were answered!  She looked at me and I swear I could see it in her eyes saying "ok Mommy, I'll give you a deserve it" LOL.  I was so thankful and I attempted to give her a kiss, which was denied, instead I got to kiss the top of her head, hahaha. She flopped over sucking her thumb and I knew, success!!!  I'm so happy Mark is coming home tonight, I really need him to be home with us.  I was thinking last night that maybe, just maybe, having daddy away might throw her off.  And why shouldn't it? right? I mean she's a child that lives by routine and structure and maybe having him gone throws her off.  Because if you think about it, she doesn't understand the concept "daddy will be gone for two weeks", she just doesn't know, for all I know in her mind she thinks he's just gone and that's, that.  Wow, just writing this makes me realize how unbelievably sad how unaware she is of certain situations.  I know she misses me when I'm gone, but it hits her only when she sees me and probably asks herself, "hey, where have you been?".  Sometimes she sees me when I've been gone and whimpers, it breaks my heart, but believe me, when I leave to go visit my family and friends in Durango, it does wonders for me.  It's a break I welcome with all my heart.  I had no idea how much it has helped me writing about Darian and everything that happens.  It's so freeing to express myself in this way.  I hope this will help others understand what families go through living with Autism.  It's difficult, but at the same time very eye opening.  Darian has helped us appreciate what we have and how to let go of the stupid things in life.  It puts everything on a different perspective.  Every new word, new realization in Darian's life is such a huge celebration.  We tend to neglect the little things in life because it's expected, but in reality, it's a huge deal.  Every little thing your child does should be celebrated and appreciated.  Everybody should practice patience and kindness, we are all too quick to judge, put down, be mean and be very frustrated over things that we cannot control.  I tell you, learn to let it go.  When you live with someone like Darian you don't have a choice but to be patient and understanding, she is such a mystery and we can't control how she thinks, we can only help her to learn how to handle her own demons.  We may never know what they may be, but we sure as hell will help her push them away and make her realize she has all the support she needs from people who love her dearly.  So after the storm...came the calm...thank you God for listening to always


  1. I am glad you decided to write about this, not only does it help you but also has helped me understand what goes on in your mind, how lucky she is to have you... how lucky you are to have her! Thank you for doing this... I love you sis, very much.