Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Sleepless in Chula...LOL
This morning Darian decided 4 o'clock was a fine time to wake up. As I slept in my bed, I could hear her in between dreams and looked at the clock and thought...great! I tried to ignore her, thinking I could just sleep for one more hour without her escaping her room and into mine and waking up Madison (Daddy's not home). Then I asked myself, why Annabelle, why in the hell did you not go to sleep at 10 last night when you had your chance?! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Hahaha. Had to watch Everybody Loves Raymond, I couldn't resist. It was the episode where Robert was getting married and his mom decided she had something to say and he and Amy are in shock. Too funny, then Raymond saves the day by giving a funny best man's speech. He talked about editing...editing the bad things in your life and hold on to the good ones. And I thought, not a bad idea, but then again with a child like mine, you don't have time to edit, you just can't. I finally get up and go in her room, which makes her very happy, and I tell her it's early and she has to go back to sleep. She tells me "mommy with me" "make room", so she moves aside so I can lay down with her. I turn off her light and we lay there with her little feet against my legs swaying them back and forth, I feel her breathing, very relaxing as she sucks her thumb and presses her little face against my back, with a little bit of moaning in between. And I go back to editing, but it's impossible for me to edit the "bad" I see it in my face every morning with my tired eyes, when I smile and my smile looks like a vampire's smile because she broke my left tooth (next to the fang) with a head butt when she was younger, or my crooked right index finger that she has bent a thousand times. How the hell do you edit that? And I know what you're thinking, hmmm, next time I see Annabelle I will not be able to resist and look at her vampire smile! Hahaha. But I don't care, this is my life, it is what it is and I appreciate the bad with the good, it has made me who I am. I am not mean, I still continue to help others wholehearted, this has not broken me down. So editing will not be part of me, my mommy battle scars are very present in everything I do and I'm ok with it. Not a problem, bring it on. There is nothing I cannot handle, there is nothing Darian can't handle, there is nothing my family can't handle. We have each other and that's good enough for me, so no editing, at least not yet. Gotta say if I could edit anything is having a 25 year old body vs my 41 year old one! LOL! Until next time...buh bye.